We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
