I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
