a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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