Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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