It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
