We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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