I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
