Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
