Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
