took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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