if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
