Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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