I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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