are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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