I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
