This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
