In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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