Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
