i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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