if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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