what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
