can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
