its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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