I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You left your phone here
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