just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
