omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize