a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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