ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
