walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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