All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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