I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
