Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
