I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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