I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
