u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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