So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
