Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
