I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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