he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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