i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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