I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
