therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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