What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
