i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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