She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
