Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
