i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
