I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
