My friends, they love my intelligence
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
