hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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