everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
