I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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