So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
