i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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