I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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