Barsexuality is the new black.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
