Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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