tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
