I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
