he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
