you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
