one two three fourrrrnication!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
