I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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