theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
