tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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